記事 - 憂鬱症

剛才被告知需要去參加一個人頭一千美的慈善晚宴
(當然不是我付錢)

雖然平靜但猶豫的講說知道了
可是心裡整個panic attack
光想到衣著就開始恐慌
是要穿什麼不會太張揚又像正式賓客
要低調但突出我很清楚怎麼著裝
但要不突出又夠隆重就很不在我的守備範圍
穿著太business也不好
還是得有點正式宴會感

欣羨豪門生活的人的話應該會很興奮期待
但我只覺得...
好不自在好拘束好表面又沒意義的社交活動
也得說s當時的評論很精準
正式場合的應酬場面
如果人跟環境不喜歡的話我很難忍受



...



米國人的電腦程度常令人吐血
問題在這個人不會解壓縮
email附件不會開
就算換成google drive也是不會好嗎
不會開包裹
跟用郵局還是黑貓寄什麼關係啦
一直跳針講要用黑貓 (倒地


...


and it really bothers me when people do not have
the basic concept of the workflow.

"did" you do XXX?

yes I can predict the upcoming task
but it has certain prelimanery that has to be done first.
so that If I "did" it,
it means either I had to push you to finish the task
or I had to do it on my own disregarding whatever you're currently doing.


on what earth that would be something ok to do
to takeover or disregard someone else's task???

why would you assume that's something that I should have done
before the finals has been passed to me???


->
what I can do?
->
need to write it down in the daily practice
(to figure out why it bothers me)



...



有親身經歷的人就實際很多
會把關鍵放在"如何做"
同時也解釋了某些我有意識到但無法說得確實的點
建議的核心也和自己的嘗試不謀而合

"面對承擔現實"
發生的過去是別人的過錯
痊癒好轉是自己的責任和能力範圍
期待任何人/權威的改變或拯救去改善自己本身的現況都不是解答

"實際改善自己生活的行為 再小都不算小"

I get it, the shameful feeling that no one wants to face
so that we choose not to put ourselves back into
the situstion that reminds us those feelings.

but bottom line, it goes to the most important question,
how much do you think you are worth?
if it's worthy enough
or you want to feel that you're worthy enough

then GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU DESERVE
從自己給自己開始

"練習/控制/掌握自己"

1. 認知自己當下狀況
2. 慢下來 延遲立即反應 (類似醉後不開車)
3. 緊急書寫
4. 專注於其他身體現實感知
(類似似mindfulness
稍微抽離trigger
專注感受環境感受自己身體感知)
-運動/爬樓梯/讓心率增加
-去洗手洗澡感受肥皂溫水冷水的身體感受



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