記事 - 憂鬱症

最近不時想起書裡的片段
像這樣對平穩平靜的日常生活感到恐慌不知所措
是不是也是症狀之一
因為只有所謂battle field才讓自己覺得真實?


所以才特別想念你
是吧。


"is everyone I have ever met a psychopath?
"yes"

"what have I ever done, my whole life,
to deserve you?"
"everything.
you are addicted to a certain
lifestyle.
you're abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people.
so is it truely such a surprise that the woman you fall in love with
conforms that pattern?"

"how could I not see that?"
"you did see that, and you married me, because he's right, it's what you like"

大概差不多的意思吧
it's what I like
所以才喜歡你
說來說去人絕大多數時候都是咎由自取。

....


這次朋友不在反倒比較情緒上比較投入
才明白和絕大多數朋友在一起
有些東西我收藏得非常妥當

這和最近和自己相處的情形(障礙?)得到的結論有些類似
書寫和省思的方式
都是以第三者的角度旁觀自己
但說到真正和自己相處 面對
並不容易

看見自己如何盡可能的閃躲
如非必要不願意面對
像書中所說是一種生存機制




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