好像一場永遠不會醒來的惡夢 - 抗癌
By Victoria
at 2014-04-25T01:06
at 2014-04-25T01:06
Table of Contents
前天,老公走了,沒有留下隻字片語,沒有一句道別,
六年來的抗癌路,我們一直覺得有希望,一直一直做著各種嘗試,
可是十幾天的住院換來的竟然是這種大家都沒辦法接受的結果。
我心碎了,望著九個月大睡得香甜的寶寶,原來你連這個都安排好了,
原來你知道這一天來臨時我會有多軟弱,如果沒有寶寶我根本撐不下去,
我不知道要多久才能接受你永遠不會回來的事實,
我害怕回家也害怕出門,這個世界到處都是我們的足跡、回憶,
我不曉得我還有沒有快樂和微笑的能力,
感謝親戚的陪伴,但夜深時我還是會哭到不能自己,
眾親友在事後的互相責怪、意見分歧又是另場惡夢,
十幾年來你管理的家,處處都是你建立的規則、你設計的小工具,
我嘗試喝下你不允許我喝的冷開水,卻發現我早已習慣溫開水的溫暖,
冷水冷到難以下嚥,長時間的依賴讓我現在感覺自己好無能,
今晚,我為你挑選最後的照片,照片裡的你好陽光,
我知道你不會希望我為你難過,但我沒辦法做到,
從親友口裡知道原來之前你不想結婚是因為怕我留下婚姻記錄,
你是這麼處處的為我著想,我卻無法再為你多做什麼,
也許,當我可以一個人帶著寶寶走進公園裡我們最愛的那個角落而不會流淚的時候,
就是我痊癒的時候,只是我不知道那是什麼時候。
有人可以告訴我怎麼走出來嗎?
--
六年來的抗癌路,我們一直覺得有希望,一直一直做著各種嘗試,
可是十幾天的住院換來的竟然是這種大家都沒辦法接受的結果。
我心碎了,望著九個月大睡得香甜的寶寶,原來你連這個都安排好了,
原來你知道這一天來臨時我會有多軟弱,如果沒有寶寶我根本撐不下去,
我不知道要多久才能接受你永遠不會回來的事實,
我害怕回家也害怕出門,這個世界到處都是我們的足跡、回憶,
我不曉得我還有沒有快樂和微笑的能力,
感謝親戚的陪伴,但夜深時我還是會哭到不能自己,
眾親友在事後的互相責怪、意見分歧又是另場惡夢,
十幾年來你管理的家,處處都是你建立的規則、你設計的小工具,
我嘗試喝下你不允許我喝的冷開水,卻發現我早已習慣溫開水的溫暖,
冷水冷到難以下嚥,長時間的依賴讓我現在感覺自己好無能,
今晚,我為你挑選最後的照片,照片裡的你好陽光,
我知道你不會希望我為你難過,但我沒辦法做到,
從親友口裡知道原來之前你不想結婚是因為怕我留下婚姻記錄,
你是這麼處處的為我著想,我卻無法再為你多做什麼,
也許,當我可以一個人帶著寶寶走進公園裡我們最愛的那個角落而不會流淚的時候,
就是我痊癒的時候,只是我不知道那是什麼時候。
有人可以告訴我怎麼走出來嗎?
--
Tags:
抗癌
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