ironically - 憂鬱症

Working a job that is meaningful helps build self esteem,
and my self esteem is heavily impacted by low-functioning depression;
ironically, because of my depression, I cannot work in a job too
meaningful, because I would be underperforming or not showing up,
so if I'm too essential, I'd carry a burden that is way over my
ability as a major depression patient and f*k up majorly with people
who depended on me.

So I work bullshit jobs, and then I feel meaningless, and this is a
negative cycle that might just do me in again one day.

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