還是走了... - 抗癌
By Hazel
at 2011-06-02T01:17
at 2011-06-02T01:17
Table of Contents
病症:肺腺癌 Stage IV
狀況:前往西方極樂世界
----------------------------
老媽今年四月在亞東醫院檢查
一開始說是普通肺炎,住了一個禮拜院後回家
還是一直咳、一直咳
(亞東的許X璇醫生請大家注意)
(此人極沒有醫德,告訴我媽媽,肺部X光會有白點)
(是因為肺部結痂......)
(我當時不在老媽身邊,事後才聽她說,氣得要命)
---------------------------------------
6/7補上:
經版友DADGAD糾正
的確有“肺結痂”這個名詞
特 在此致歉
------------------------
6/6部分留言:
我知道當醫師很辛苦,要熬上去真的很難
但請想想我們家屬的心情好嗎...
誰願意看見自己的母親生病,躺在病床上
醫生還不認真解釋病情給她聽
甚至,還很不耐煩,直接兇她
我們當人子女的聽了真的很不捨
在此致歉,當初PO文心情非常激動
很多細節沒有交代清楚
PO此文的目的,真的是出於教訓&資訊分享
當時沒能陪在她身邊,讓她遇到該醫師
也是我們的錯,沒有即時替她爭取...
-------------------------------------
至此,我們決定換防癆中心看看
裡面的簡醫師(忘記名字)人很好
幫他做了許多分析,告訴她再回亞東照X光
他會幫她推薦胸腔科的鄭世隆醫生
回亞東後,不到一個禮拜就確定是肺腺癌...
但是他們不敢告訴我們第幾期(不知道在幹嘛)
再拖也不是辦法,老媽決定求救親戚
親戚找到林口長庚的楊政達(道)醫師
他後來答應接手,老媽的治療從這裡正式開始
時間是4/12(急診室)
4/13 老媽呼吸開始很喘
決定轉ICU插管治療,原先她不同意
因為奶奶也是因為肺腺癌離開人世
她一插管就再也沒有出來了...
媽媽很害怕,但是楊醫師說服她,還有得救為什麼不嘗試
因此,當天她就進去ICU治療
中間歷經快一個月的插管隔離治療
我們常常替她加油,幫她按摩,也會放音樂給她聽
(但老媽後來說,她在ICU毫無意識)
所以,後來能轉普通病房真的是幸運+老天爺保佑
5月中,她終於轉到病房
但一開始,根本無法正常說話,常說天語(?)
可能躺太久了,她連我們是誰都不認得
(喊不出名字)
看著她這麼辛苦、努力對抗病魔
身為子女的我們,真的除了心痛沒有其他感受
5/27 歷經了點滴、多次抽血、復健不順後
老媽終於垮下,晚上,她把大家叫來交代遺言
當晚,我們哭成一團,好害怕就此失去她
在醫院待了一整晚,幸好她撐過了,血氧值穩住
隔天,我決定住在長庚會館
一天起碼要陪她8小時,把工作辭了、學校也不去了
只希望,能陪她待幾天是幾天
然而,5/30的晚上8:15,她還是離開了......
6點多,吃完晚餐後,回家一趟想要拿之前親戚準備得牛樟芝
反正死馬當活馬醫,既然藥(愛瑞莎)都沒效果
而且,醫師已經這麼盡力,她自己也很努力復健
但是,情況還是無法控治住
原先感染得肺炎太嚴重,加上後來癌細胞急速擴張
使得她呼吸愈來愈困難,最後只能靠氧氣罩硬撐
既然這樣,就靠偏方或是其他可能有用的方法吧
晚上7點多,趕到醫院去陪她
早上看她睡不著,有時候眼睛會一直睜開
晚上就睡著,我幫她按摩小腿
然後放輕快版的佛樂給她聽
看護去洗澡,交代我要好好看著老媽
8點左右,她呼吸次數開始明顯減少
胸部起伏的速度愈來愈慢
我覺得很怪,就跑去看儀器
一看不得了,血氧只剩不到20
呼吸剩下60幾,血壓也一直在降
看護小姐剛好洗澡出來,看了大吃一驚
馬上跑去叫護士來
等她們趕到,老媽就已經離開了
我看著她,臉上的愕然無法言喻
有一點點替她感到解脫,但...
還是有一股莫名的傷悲衝上來
她到最後幾天,明明已經痛得無法忍受
還是乖乖讓護士抽血,抽到都抽不到血
手指的末端都變成紫色,氧氣都送不到
腳也一直很冰冷,我一直搓、一直搓
可是,手一放開,馬上又開始冷
我看著她,覺得還好她沒有任何掙扎
在睡夢中離開耶,好幸福...
在護理站叫救護車時,眼淚一直在打轉
等到幫她穿鞋子,就開始潰堤
這雙鞋子原本是要讓她復健時穿得
但是根本還沒用上,她就離開了...
這幾天,開始處理她一些後事
除了很多回憶揮之不去,其他時間努力維持正常
應付親戚方面,真的很吃力
這個時候,人特別容易不理智,尤其是女方家屬
什麼難聽話都說得出來...
就像我以前常跟她說,有媽的孩子像個寶
老媽就會笑笑說,是嗎?
好險我跟她說了好多次 我愛妳
好險我每年母親節都認真幫她慶祝
...
但,還是有一些遺憾阿
媽,我好想再吃妳煮得陽春麵阿
哪怕只有一次也好,那種獨特的味道
只有妳做得出來喔,對吧?
還會發明怪怪的料理 科科
唉...
要是,我們能再更多時間相處
未來一定是更光明的,是嗎?
即使有那麼多苦難、還有淚水
妳也一直都撐著,和我們一起
然而,妳卻先離開了
我連帶妳出國都還沒有耶
為什麼不給我這個機會呢...
如果,妳在西方極樂世界遇到很多美好的事情
請託夢給我知道好嗎?
讓我知道妳很快樂,比在這裡活著快樂多了
我相信妳一定會過得很好...
因為妳跟菩薩去了阿...
媽,我愛妳
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