明天要開刀 - 乳癌
By Daph Bay
at 2014-08-21T12:12
at 2014-08-21T12:12
Table of Contents
因母親得過乳癌
自覺要定期檢查
不到一個月前發現自己有乳癌
一邊看醫生照超音波、作MRI、粗針切片、看乳房重建醫師
一邊還是把論文第一部份趕完了
算是及早發現,所以明天要作部份切除加一個月放療
然後等九月初開學
論文第二部份也要同時進行,另外還有很重的課業
本來以為要休學的,告知了指導教授
他很心疼,但也是讓我自己決定需不需要休學
人在國外,沒什麼朋友,只有一個老公相依為命
也不能告訴家人,因為知道母親會痛心
過去有很長的暴食/催吐史,容易憂鬱、自責
我去看了兩次心理諮商
面對諮商師,心裡很想吶喊,但我表面總是很冷靜、很有條裡
不敢讓情緒跑出來
但每天天黑之後,就覺得很心慌
老公很支持我,常請假帶我跑來跑去
大部分時間,我都自己騎腳踏車去作檢查、作粗針
我不怕痛,但是我很怕自己自卑的情緒又被癌症帶出來
自怨自艾久了,老公也受不了
很冷靜地寫了一封長信給我
要我努力走出陰霾
他一個人能力再強、再正面
也拉不動一個不願意自己走向正面思考的人
我在每個人面前都表現得正面、很完美
搞到自己幾乎沒有發洩的管道
來這裡看文章多了解大家怎麼度過的,每次都流眼淚
導管原位癌
明天切除,要順便染色作前哨淋巴結檢測
然後也要作基因檢測
要幾個月後才會知道我有沒有乳癌基因
不過醫生也說,我這麼年輕就得乳癌,又有家族史
大概八九不離十了吧
老公和醫師都說,雙乳切除可能是一個比較預防性的選項
昨天我上PTT竟哭嚎起來,停都停不下來
其實我真的很害怕,我真的很憂鬱
明天一大早就要開刀
現在,我要去準備用術前海綿洗澡了
然後,明早再洗一次
希望這次之後我就無癌無鬱了……
--
Tags:
乳癌
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