媽媽乳癌化療後... - 化療
By Edith
at 2016-09-06T00:00
at 2016-09-06T00:00
Table of Contents
媽媽是乳癌二期(淋巴四顆感染)
目前已經做了四次紫杉醇剩下四次小紅莓
手腳麻 癢 肌肉無力 潮紅 吐
幾乎全部的副作用都有了
本來很樂觀的她因為化療變得很負面
身為獨生女家裡只有媽媽,親戚就別提了
本來住在鄉下的她因為生病才來台中
我常常要她出去走動
「我連站都沒辦法怎麼走」
每次都很生氣的這樣回我
所以活動範圍只有家裡20坪的活動範圍
其實我跟媽媽的感情比起女兒更像兒子
而且起碼已經十年沒和媽媽生活在一起了
因為家庭因素導致我們有什麼事也不會互相聊天,平均兩週打一次電話每次對話不超過一
分鐘,是很陌生的親近關係
這次因為生病所以又一起住,很多摩擦
本來自己的生活也都開始重新調整
以她為主
但我的工作是輪三班,沒上班沒收入
所以我幾乎只能一天煮一餐給她吃或買給她吃,
其他兩餐我實在沒辦法顧及,只能買很多菜肉水餃仙草愛玉水果零食餅乾囤放在家,她要
吃就可以稍微煮一下或者速成的食物果腹一下,她也不吃很多東西,因為「聽說」吃那個
不好吃這個不行,所以吃的東西其實有很多限制,也不喝亞培不吃維他命等等...。
我這幾個月大部分的時間都是一下班就回家,飯後她常喊累喊痛喊無力就躺在床上,我能
做的只是陪伴,運動按摩甚至是踏出家門全部被拒絕。
但有時候我還是會跟朋友聚聚吃吃飯等等,其實我壓力有點大,她被疾病控制自由而我好
像被她變得失去自由...
治療做到現在已經四個月了,也是第四次化療後的第三週應該是她身體比較舒服的一週,
明天我要外出五天,我實在沒有辦法一直和她關在家裡陪伴她,我想讓她回到生病前那個
堅強的她,沒有我在逼著她一定要出外覓食也算是走動,
其實我有請我室友幫我多多照顧她,如果有空幫她買點東西,我也會先買好但是剛剛她還
是哭了,哭著說我都不照顧她,等我回來餓死在家都沒人知道,吵著人生沒意義,不做化
療了想死...
我真的做錯了嗎???
我到底該怎麼做???
真的好痛苦...............
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